Workshop Jokes, Stories, and Cartoons

LUMBER PURCHASE

Some men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the men walked in the office and says, "We need some four-by-twos."

The clerk replies, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"

The guy scratches his head and says, "I'll go check," and goes back to the truck.

He returns and says, "Yeah, I meant two-by-four."

"All right. How long do you need them?"

The guy pauses for a minute and says, "I better go check." After a while, he returns to the office and says, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."

Grandma's Visit

"Oh, I sure am glad to see you," the little boy said to his grandmother (on his mother's side). "Now Daddy will do the trick he's been promising us."

The grandmother was curious. "What trick is that?" she asked.

"He told Mommy that he'd climb the walls if you came to visit," answered the boy.

What's Your Name, Again?

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to playing cards a few times a week.

One day when playing cards, one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me. I know we've been friends a long time, but I just can't think of your name. I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."

Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"

This appeared in Patriot Files by CATMAN

Combat Badge authorized for all

By Brian MacKeil

Times staff writer

In a reversal of plans, almost everyone who comes under hostile fire will be eligible to wear a new Combat Action Badge.

The Army announced today that in response to soldier comments from the field, the service has decided to expand the pool of eligibility to “justly recognize the actions of deserving soldiers in combat,†according to an Army press release.

The newly dubbed Combat Action Badge “may be awarded to any soldier — branch and military occupational specialty immaterial — performing assigned duties in an area where hostile fire pay and imminent danger pay is authorized, who is personally present and actively engaging or being engaged by the enemy.â€

Back in February, the Army unveiled plans to recognize combat beyond what the Combat Infantryman’s Badge already honored. And while the rules had yet to be finalized, it was clear that personnel outside combat arms MOSs were unlikely to be eligible.

Only enlisted soldiers of officers below colonel were to be eligible for the CCB if they “satisfactorily performed duty†while engaged in ground combat for any length of time with an infantry, Ranger or Special Forces unit no larger than a brigade or regiment.

“This is not for just coming under fire,†Lt. Gen. Franklin L. Hagenbeck, the Army’s chief of personnel, said in February. “This is for doing an infantry job and enduring the daily endeavors that come with that job.â€

But the new CAB is far less restrictive, and is open to most soldiers who are fired upon or who fire at an enemy, said. Col. Joe Curtin, an Army spokesman.

The CAB replaces the CCB, but leaves the rules intact for the Combat Infantryman’s Badge and the Combat Medical Badge, according to the release.

The CAB will be retroactive the beginning of the global war on terrorism. The effective date of the award is Sept. 18, 2001, said Maj. Elizabeth Robbins, Army spokesperson.

“It is going to be a huge morale booster for soldiers in theater,†said Curtin.

Art

The Winds of Time

Seek the wonder of life and love

For it lasts but a short time

Open your heart to the unknown

Though it may bring fear or pain

Believe that Creator will guide you

For there are grand rewards within mystery

My dear friend Jim Hennessey sent this to me the other day and me like a nitwit forgot to post it. My condolences to Jim, his fellow 87ther's and Loy's family!

87th Vets,

I regret to inform you of the death of:

Loy. J. Bonds.

Co. E-345th-Regt-87th Division

We'll miss you buddy.

-Jim Hennessey

Co. E-345th-Regt-87th Division

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