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  The Man and the Ostrich
Posted by: Walt's Daughter - 08-24-2010, 09:35 AM - Forum: Jokes & Fun! - No Replies


The Man and the Ostrich

 

 

 

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.

 

 

The waitress asks them for their orders.

 

 

The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the

ostrich, "What's yours?"

 

 

"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

 

 

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will

be

$9.40 please." The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact

change for payment.

 

 

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A

hamburger, fries and a coke.."

 

 

The ostrich says, "I'll have the same.."

 

 

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

 

 

This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the

waitress.

 

 

"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a

salad," says the man.

 

 

"Same," says the ostrich.

 

 

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be

$32.62."

 

 

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and

places

it on the table.

 

 

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me,

sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your

pocket every time?"

 

 

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic

and

found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two

wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I

would

just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always

be

there."

 

 

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress.. "Most people would ask for

a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want

for as long as you live!"

 

 

"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the

exact money is always there," says the man..

 

 

The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"

 

 

The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall

chick with a big butt and long legs who agrees with everything I say.."

 

 

:zelda:

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  Photo of 34th Monument - Italy - 2010
Posted by: Walt's Daughter - 08-24-2010, 09:01 AM - Forum: VI CORPS AND 5TH & 7TH ARMIES - No Replies


From Rocky...

 

E-mail friend from Italy just sent me this. Bill, Emilio sent it. I choked a little reading this.

post-2-1282651290_thumb.jpg



Attached Files
.jpg   ItalyAugust2010_013A.jpg (Size: 305.41 KB / Downloads: 0)
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  Willow Run Plant
Posted by: Walt's Daughter - 08-24-2010, 08:43 AM - Forum: Famous/not so famous Audio & Video Clips from the War - No Replies


Film of the Willow Run Plant during the war. My mom worked here producing those silver babies. Way to go mom! Here's to all the men and women who put in a lot of hard work and dedication, and made it all possible.

 

:armata_PDT_37:

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  I love you !!
Posted by: sixgun - 08-24-2010, 06:49 AM - Forum: Shooting the Breeze - Replies (2)


I LOVE YOU

I LOVE YOU

I LOVE YOU

I LOVE YOU

Suppose one morning you never wake up ,

Do all your friends know you love them ?

Are there any wounds needing to be healed,

Friendship that need rekindling or three words needing to be said

Sometimes, " I LOVE YOU ' can heal and bless .

Let every one of your friends

Know YOU LOVE THEM .

 

Even if you think they don't love you back ,

You would be amazed at what those three .

little words and a smile can do .

Just in case tomorrow is too late ...

 

I LOVE YOU ALL !!

 

Vee :love7:

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  puns for educated minds
Posted by: Walt's Daughter - 08-23-2010, 10:34 AM - Forum: Jokes & Fun! - No Replies


Puns for Educated Minds

 

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

 

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

 

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

 

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class

because it was a weapon of math disruption.

 

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

 

6. A dog who gave birth to puppies near the road was cited for littering.

 

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in linoleum blown apart.

 

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

 

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

 

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

 

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

 

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

 

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

 

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the grass.'

 

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

 

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

 

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

 

18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

 

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

 

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

 

21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The flight attendant looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

 

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'

 

23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

 

24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

 

25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

 

26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.

No pun in ten did.

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